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If I think of anything "witty" for a title for this, I will change it.
This thing is probably a waste of time, but I figure I might as well try to get back into using it again, at least to vent a little when things are frustrating me. For instance, right now.
Nothing in particular is annoying me, just myself, I suppose. My life is pretty good... uni's going well enough (although I'm not enjoying it as much as I'd hoped right now), work is the usual, I'm in a nice flat with my best friend, I have more of a social life now than I have done for a long time. However, still, I am seriously struggling. With everything. I am almost constantly bored but have no motivation to do anything. Uni work, especially. I know I should, I have plenty to be getting on with (well... enough), and I could be looking for a PhD or a job or anything to do when I graduate. I just really do not care right now.
This in itself is starting to cause problems. I've felt this way for months, a year? Before now, I've just been getting on with it, putting in the effort I need to and getting by, but now I can't even muster the energy to do that. I'm worried it's starting to affect my uni work, I'm only in two days a week but I managed to miss yesterday out of plain laziness. I've not had much uni work back yet, but thankfully it has been decent so far. However, the lack of CV-writing and looking for something to do in 6 months time is a worry. I still don't care enough to do much, but it's a worry. I'm also feeling a little guilty that I'm worrying some of my friends, Martin in particular. He, Euan and Phil take most of the brunt of my boredom and moaning right now (and if any of them read this, for that I am sorry) and I fear they're going to be worrying unnecessarily . I'm not worth that, for a start, and people have enough going on in their own lives to worry about. I'd rather be the one to help them, than have them help me. Yet my selfish brain keeps moaning at them and basically seeking pity and attention. Ugh. I hate myself.. I'm trying to be good, but I keep being this selfish, greedy bitch, and then feel guilty for thinking this because it makes me feel still more selfish and so on.
There was probably a point in here somewhere, but I've rather forgotten it. I'm still bored. I'm still frustrated. I still feel guilty for bugging my friends with all of this, and I'm still worried about all of them.
There's a whole other post in itself, regarding friends. I may wait and write that another night, though. For now I shall return to my wallowing in boredom and frustration.
This thing is probably a waste of time, but I figure I might as well try to get back into using it again, at least to vent a little when things are frustrating me. For instance, right now.
Nothing in particular is annoying me, just myself, I suppose. My life is pretty good... uni's going well enough (although I'm not enjoying it as much as I'd hoped right now), work is the usual, I'm in a nice flat with my best friend, I have more of a social life now than I have done for a long time. However, still, I am seriously struggling. With everything. I am almost constantly bored but have no motivation to do anything. Uni work, especially. I know I should, I have plenty to be getting on with (well... enough), and I could be looking for a PhD or a job or anything to do when I graduate. I just really do not care right now.
This in itself is starting to cause problems. I've felt this way for months, a year? Before now, I've just been getting on with it, putting in the effort I need to and getting by, but now I can't even muster the energy to do that. I'm worried it's starting to affect my uni work, I'm only in two days a week but I managed to miss yesterday out of plain laziness. I've not had much uni work back yet, but thankfully it has been decent so far. However, the lack of CV-writing and looking for something to do in 6 months time is a worry. I still don't care enough to do much, but it's a worry. I'm also feeling a little guilty that I'm worrying some of my friends, Martin in particular. He, Euan and Phil take most of the brunt of my boredom and moaning right now (and if any of them read this, for that I am sorry) and I fear they're going to be worrying unnecessarily . I'm not worth that, for a start, and people have enough going on in their own lives to worry about. I'd rather be the one to help them, than have them help me. Yet my selfish brain keeps moaning at them and basically seeking pity and attention. Ugh. I hate myself.. I'm trying to be good, but I keep being this selfish, greedy bitch, and then feel guilty for thinking this because it makes me feel still more selfish and so on.
There was probably a point in here somewhere, but I've rather forgotten it. I'm still bored. I'm still frustrated. I still feel guilty for bugging my friends with all of this, and I'm still worried about all of them.
There's a whole other post in itself, regarding friends. I may wait and write that another night, though. For now I shall return to my wallowing in boredom and frustration.
frustratedLeave a comment
contemplative
chipper
determined